3 May 2017

23 March 2017

Do I (finally) finish writing the introduction for my report or should I spend this time here??? I promised myself I would do my readings tonight but I am also telling myself the night is still young.

I love being back in this country so much - even on the days I am stuck at home with nothing to do. I love me friends and my family and they love me back and it truly feels like I don't need anything else in this world. Thinking of having to fly back in 2 weeks makes me so sad :(((((( but still I know when I finally leave York for good a part of me will ache to go back.

I haven't felt an ounce (wow wow what unit of measurement is this) of sadness since I came home. The week has passed too!!! quickly!!! I am very behind on my work but I promise promise myself to catch up by this Sunday.

I've been thinking of the person I was and wanted to become when first started uni and it makes me happy knowing I'm not exactly the same person I was back then. I am still me in most senses but I *think* I have grown up a bit; isn't it quite horrifying to look 3 years back and find you haven't grown at all??? (N.A. to body weight) Everything that has happened happened in perfect time. Patience truly is a virtue, I hope I remember this always always always.

but I will leave this for another time (otherwise I won't have anything to say when I graduate HA)

25 February 2017

take me back

16 February 2017

The future's not ours to see

6 February 2017

I just realised I only put my January resolutions down on the 21st which is quite lame but I am proud to say that in the 2 weeks that have passed I have accomplished/mastered all of them except for my Proverbs wall and erm, losing weight (not that I've taken my weight. I have no courage to)!!!

All my rejections are in and for some sadistic reason I feel like I need to print them all out and frame them up. I don't know why but honestly I feel almost no disappointment; maybe I never wanted to do it in the first place. I don't know if it's just some disguised form of bitterness, but suddenly I'm not so sure I want to take this path anymore. I think that's the reason I'm starting to embrace this uncertainty, because I feel like there's a high chance this road I've chosen for myself may not turn out to be a happy one.

Ok I just spent the past 30 minutes fantasising about all the jobs I could do and my head is throbbing now so here are my FEB RESOLUTIONS!!! HAHAHA

1. Embrace the unknown but work hard!!!
2. Go for body attack on Sundays LOL (only 2 Sundays left cos I'll be in London coming Sun this shouldn't be very difficult)
3. Start of my FYP report oh goshhhh
4. ok the toughest one of all is coming

£100 budget until end Feb starts today

21 January 2017


Too long too long it has been too long since I came here or even had the urge to. Just read through my drafts from 2014-2015 and boy was I an emotional wreck HAHAHA. 50% an emotional wreck and 51% an entitled piece of shit (not that I'm not one now..).

2017 has been good, very good!!! I must say my exams didn't go as well as I would've liked them to, and if I hadn't gone to Morocco I could've done much better, but honestly honestly #noragrets because I walked out of each hall with my head held high, and I am most likely happier than if I had spent my whole break studying.

I realise I didn't put my 2017 resolutions down here, but since I am an indecisive child with limited self-discipline I've decided to just make resolutions each month!

January's would be to
1. Stop lamenting my love life (or rather, its absence) and instead live with silent confidence that good things will come in His time *ohmmmmm* I've been telling everyone that by the end of the month I will become asexual but jkjk
2. I've been writing down one chapter of Proverbs every day since last week!!! My resolution is to keep it up so that by mid-Feb I would've completed the whole book
3. Erm, submit my masters apps
4. Lose weight??? < idk man life resolution, will prolly be in every month's list
5. nOT let rejections get to me. You is smart, you is kind, you is important (ok maybe not but I will work on it).
6. Finish that little book on depression I bought before xmas (It's called Reasons to be Alive by Matt Haig). About time I start understandin and stop spewing nonsense about things I don't actually know about. I'm 200 pages in and it takes me a while to digest that the things they talk about are real, but if you are like me and cannot understand depression or anxiety I think it's a good place to start.

Speaking of this the past month has been a very novel concoction of making decisions and realising there are still so many things in this world I don't know well enough to have opinions of; realising that if once we dig deep enough there's nothing we can control, and such thoughts have been carrying me through each time I start worrying about my future (not that it helps all the time - I still have my moments of !!!PANIC!!!LIFEISHOPELESS!!!).


This year is going to be gr8910 I can feel it in ma bonesssss. I want to take up pottery and weave carpets, volunteer and become a respectable person (please?).

I already have so many things to look forward to: London in 3 weeks (am fearful bc I don't have my bro), friends visiting in 4 weeks, and then Easter in a little over 7 weeks!!! Spring term is my absolute FAV because we have no exams immediately after Easter break, and I'm always motivated to study because I can go home after. Also Chinese New Year and RISING TEMPS. The weather has been quite good to us though, considering all the reports saying this would be the coldest winter ever. I always underestimate the temp and end up with sweaty pits by the time I reach school.

but before I swim into the depths of TMIness the past 20 odd days have been filled mostly with happy and contentment, and each week passed much quicker than I expected. I am more uncertain about my future than ever, but I am beginning to learn to embrace the unknown as well, which I think might just be life's greatest skill and secret to happiness.